Worn
by You'veGotMeAndJesus
Summary: Campbell Saunders is in a state of desperation. He doesn't know what he's searching for exactly, but he knows he needs something. He can't handle it on his own anymore because he's too worn. It's time for him to put his faith in something else. Based off of the song "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North, of which I do not own, nor do I own Degrassi! Christian content! You have been warned
1. Advice from Mom

***Author's Note: This story is based off of the song "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. It was stuck in my head this morning and then I came up with this idea for a plot line. This story takes place sometime after Cam's breakdown with Alli. However, THERE IS NO SUICIDE IN THIS STORY! I could never bring myself to write something like that. Anywho, I'll stop babbling now so you can read. Also, I do not own this song or Degrassi…sadly. Enjoy (: ***

I was lying in my room, staring at the ceiling, when there was a beep on the opposite side of the room. I got up off the bed and wandered over to where my laptop was setting on my desk and came to the realization that it was my mother requesting to chat. I knew exactly what she wanted to talk about, and as much as I didn't want to talk about it, I accepted the chat. Almost immediately, my mother's face popped up on my screen. She usually had a smile on her face when she talked to me, but today I could tell she was going to be serious.

"Hello, Campbell," she began

"Hi, Mom," I responded.

"We didn't get to talk much this morning. Anything you want to tell me?"

After thinking about it for a second, I went with the answer, "Not really."

She gave me a disappointing look and responded, "Campbell, I know there is something wrong. You don't usually behave like this. Talk to me? Please."

I sighed and said, "I'm just really stressed, Mom."

"By What? Hockey? School? That girlfriend of yours?"

"Pretty much all of the above. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you, honey. You are a teenager. Teenagers have a lot on their plates. You just happen to be a teenager on his way to the NHL, which—"

"I don't want to play, Mom," I interrupted.

"What do you mean, you don't want to play? You've wanted this ever since you were young!"

"It's too much! The whole team is counting on me to carry them, I have no time to spend with my girlfriend, and I can't even see my own family unless it's through a screen!"

"Campbell, I –"

"And you know what else? The reason I started a fight with that kid was because he kissed Maya behind my back! And right after I got done talking to you, my captain gave me crap about possibly blowing the season for his precious Ice Hounds. So let's recap: my team hates me, my girlfriend hates me, and the only people who don't hate me are thousands of miles away."

After I was silent for a moment, my mom decided it would be a good time to put in her two-cents. "I know it's hard. It's hard for me too, seeing you struggling like this and not being able to give you a great big bear hug. But let me ask you something. Do you love hockey?

That was not at all where I thought she was going to go with that. Was she listening? "Mom, I just told you—"

It was her turn to interrupt. "If you take out all the pressures that come with it and concentrate on the sport, do you love hockey?"

"Yes"

"Can you see yourself doing anything else in the future?"

"No"

"Then you can handle whatever pressure comes your way. Do you love Maya?"

"Of course I do," I replied with a smile.

"Then you'll do whatever it takes to keep her. You'll trust her, and you will make the best out of the time you have with her. Do you love your family?"

"Mom, what kind of question is that? More than anything!"

"Then you must know that even though there are thousands of miles between us, we are never far away."

By this time, I was thoroughly confused. "Not that I don't love this little pep talk, but where exactly is it going?"

"Love, Campbell. Love! You are strong. You can get through this. You have a lot of things going on right now, but you can overcome any struggle that's put in your way. Just remember the love! Love can move mountains, Campbell. Always remember that."

These are the moments that make me really miss my mom. She always knows the perfect thing to say. I just wish she could have said it in person. "Thanks, Mom. I really needed that."

"Any time, sweetie."

"I miss you, Mom," I declared, my voice cracking slightly.

"I miss you too, dear."

We sat there in silence for a little while, just staring at each other, when I couldn't take it anymore. "Mom, I've gotta go. I still have a few things to do before I go to bed." I didn't really have anything else to do. I just had to get out of that conversation before I started to get really emotional. I could tell that she wasn't exactly buying my story either. She knew me too well.

Regardless of whether she bought it or not, she responded by saying, "Alright. I'll talk with you soon."

"I've got all week! Stupid suspension! Good night, Mom. I love you."

"Love you too, Cam. Good night."

I was just about ready to close out of the window when I heard my mother's voice once more. "Oh, and Campbell?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"You don't have to solve your problems all on your own. There's always someone there, even when they can't be seen."

I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. I was just about to ask her when she abruptly ended the chat. She could be like that sometimes. Almost like a younger, female version of Dumbledore. She loved to leave me clueless because she knew that eventually, I would figure it out. And that was exactly what I intended to do.

***So, what'd you guys think? I know I usually write the story in its entirity and then post it all at the same time, but I am really struggling with this one. I thought I'd at least put the first chapter up. Thanks for reading, guys. Remember, ~You'veGotMeAndJesus **


	2. The Revelation

***Not too much to say about this. This is the last chapter I am posting for the evening and also, after this chapter is where I'm having my problems coming up with the rest of the story. Because of this, my updates may be a little less frequent depending on how fast it takes me to work out my problem with the writing. Anyway, enjoy the second chapter of Worn (: **

Even when they can't be seen. Can't be seen. What was she talking about? How can someone be there if I can't see them? By this point, I was back to staring at the ceiling and racking my brains trying to figure out what my mother was talking about. I decided that I would grab my laptop and see if any pictures would jog my memory.

The latest pictures were in the front of my computer. These contained pictures of my going-away party before I came here, my last birthday, and some pictures of my friends from back home. After scrolling through what seemed like thousands of pictures, I still had no clues as to my mom's mysterious message. I was just about to close my eyes and fall asleep when my eyes snapped open. I had made it to my baby pictures, and the one I came across at that moment appeared particularly interesting: it was my baptism.

Of course! That's what she was trying to tell me! Unless there's a ghost of a great-uncle following me around that she didn't tell me about, there was no other explanation. Mom used to force me and my brother to go to church with her when we were little. Thankfully, she gave us the option to choose a few years ago.

I wouldn't really classify myself as an atheist. I was always just really confused about everything when it came to God. It just seemed completely illogical to me. How could he be everywhere at once? Why would he be concerned about my problems? If he loved me so much, why did I have those problems in the first place? And why pray to him and tell him what you need when he supposedly knows exactly what you need anyway? It just always seemed like there were never really that many facts and it was basically just jumping into the ocean and praying you didn't drown.

But maybe I was wrong. Could I be wrong? Could she be right? What if God is real? Could he be listening to these very thoughts and watching over me right now? I don't see why he would. What is so special about me? Nothing.

My mother's words kept playing and replaying in my head. "You don't have to solve your problems all on your own." I hope she's right. She thinks all I have to do is remember the love. She thinks I'm strong. Well I'm not strong. If I were strong, I would be able to get a grip on my life. And right now, I can't seem to do that. Could she be right? I wasn't for sure; all I knew was that I couldn't do it anymore. I decided that I had nothing to lose. I decided to pray.

"God? I'm not sure if you're really here or not. I don't know why you would be here. You've got a whole universe to worry about. Why should you care about me and my problems? I grew up in church, but I never really knew what I was saying I believed in. I guess I still don't. The only thing I know is that I'm tired. Tired of disappointing everyone and messing things up. Tired of trying to fix it and winding up making everything worse.

"I have a heavy heart, God. I'm not in a good place. My mom gave me some really great advice tonight, but I'm not sure if I can follow it. I would like to, but I just don't know how. I don't know how to get out of this slump. Every time I think I'm up, life knocks me right back down. I don't know what else to do. I just need help. I know I've made mistakes, and I'm sorry for that. I'm crying out to you, God, out of desperation. I can't handle my own life anymore. It's too much pressure, and it just wears me down. I'm worn. I need you to help me fight my battles. I need you to show me that something good can come out of this life. There has to be something better than this. Something better than this constant anger and sadness. Show me that the struggle ends. I don't even feel like a person anymore; I'm just a body walking around without a soul. I'm crushed by the weight of this world and I just don't have the strength to deal with it anymore.

"God, I pray that you will come into my life and hold me up. I'm putting my faith in you, because I have none left in myself.

"Amen."

***Hope you guys liked this chapter. I feel like the quotes were weird, but I didn't really know how else to do it. Also, the prayer that I wrote in this story is for a fictional character, but it can easily be applied to real life if necessary. If you are out there reading this and you feel like Cam does in this story, I encourage you to talk to God about it. Tell him your struggles even though he already knows them. He demands a relationship with you and he can't wrestle with your demons if you never let him see them (FFH- Grand Canyon). If you need to talk to anyone, send me a message and I'd be glad to do what I can. Always remember, ~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	3. Seeing the De-Light

***Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to post this, guys! I've been having trouble with this story, as I mentioned last time. I'm changing a lot of it from my original plan, and I really hope that's for the better. Thanks to whoever pointed out my mistake with the NFL vs NHL thing. Believe it or not,that's not the first time I've done that. I had to edit chapter two and make it slightly longer a while ago, so if this doesn't make sense, you might want to go back to chapter 2. This is kind of a filler chapter, but I spent a lot of time on it so I hope you like it! :)**

*the next day*

I can't really explain it, but today just feels different. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually in a really good mood. I feel like something really good is about to happen. It's almost like the people in those cheesy television episodes where someone lives the same day over and over again. After they've lived it through like ten times, when the day comes that the spell is finally going to break, they know it. That's the way my I've felt; like I've been living the same pain over and over and over again. I wake up, go to early hockey practice before school, get harassed by my teammates, go to school, have my teachers yell at me and tell me that I need to be more focused on homework instead of hockey, go home and talk to my mom and wish she were in front of me in person instead of through a screen, do enough to get by on homework, then cry myself to sleep. Same pain, different day. The only thing that broke this chain was Maya.

Maya

She must hate me. After what I did to Zig, she has every right to hate me. She was right. It was like I snapped. I saw him smiling at her, and her smiling at him from the stands, and my jealousy took over. If I were her, I would not want to see me right now. I would be afraid of me.

Regardless of these thoughts, I decided it would be best to attempt to talk to her now. She might not want to hear it, but the longer I wait the bigger the elephant in the room is going to get. I picked up my phone and texted, "_Can I see you tonight? ;) " _

I waited a moment for a response. "_I don't know if that's such a good idea right now, Cam :S" _

Surprisingly, that didn't even dampen my mood. "_Please? I really need to talk to you. Please don't be mad at me, MyMy :)" _

This response took a little while to get back to me. "_MyMy, huh? Someone sounds desperate: P " _

I knew she was just playing around, which was a good sign for me, but she was pretty much right. I was desperate and I needed to fix things with her before it was too late. "_You're right, I am. I know you're probably still really mad at me, and you have every right to be, but all I'm asking is for you to hear me out. This is important to me, Maya. You are important to me. Please? " _

I could tell that she was really taking everything I said to heart, because this message took even longer than the previous one. After several minutes of holding a breath I wasn't aware I was holding, I got her response. "_Alright, you can come over around 7:00. This better be good :)" _

I put my phone down on my bedside table in satisfaction and decided to get up and get myself some breakfast. Once I got downstairs, I popped two pieces of toast in the toaster and began to get out the rest of the ingredients needed for my breakfast. When the toast was ready, I took it out and spread some orange marmalade over the top of it. I ate my breakfast in silence and topped it off with some juice (1). After I was done, I moved to the couch to see what was on television at 10:00 on a Tuesday morning. The result was as I expected…nothing.

I finally decided to turn the T.V. off and retreat back to my room. When I got there, I noticed something sticking out of the bottom of my bed. When I went to see what it was, I discovered small black book with the words _Holy Bible _written in silver metallic letters. How did that get there? Mom must have put it in one of my boxes when I was coming here and it got mixed in with some of my other books. I haven't opened this thing in years! Not since Mom stopped forcing me and my brother to go to church. I decided to leaf through it a little bit.

I picked up the book and skimmed through the first few pages. The first page I came to was the usual who-gave-you-this-Bible- and-when page. In my mother's neat cursive handwriting were the words Alexandria Blake Saunders next to the presented to line. That's weird. I mean I know she gave me this, but I didn't know it was hers. Shows how much I actually paid attention to that thing.

I skipped the introductions and the alphabetizations of books and went straight to Genesis. That was where I found the section about God creating the earth. I flipped through some more pages, occasionally coming across my mother's writing in the margins of the pages and highlight marks along the way. I actually read some of them. I never really realized how serious she was about all of this stuff; she actually had some really insightful comments. Eventually, I came to a piece of scripture that looked particularly important. I could assume this because my mother had highlighted, starred, and underlined it. This was the verse I found:

Psalm 116:3-9

The cords of death entangled me,

The anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

"O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous;

Our God is full of compassion,

The Lord protects the simple-hearted;

When I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

For the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

My eyes from tears,

My feet from stumbling,

That I may walk before the Lord

In the land of the living.

Wow! Is that what's happened to me? That sure sounds like me. I was really depressed, and I called out to a God I wasn't even sure existed to save me. I'm pretty sure I was in great need; not so sure about the simple-hearted part though. I asked him for help and now I feel free. Is that a coincidence?

After my inner monologue, I realized that my mom wrote something in the margin next to those verses. "_Nothing is EVER too much for God!" _Nothing? I don't see anything in here that says that. There's got to be something God will turn away from. And if there is, I'm probably it. Next to that note, there was also a reference to another verse in Psalms. I turned there and began to read.

Psalm 18: 16-19 (2)

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

He drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

From my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

But the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;

He rescued me because he delighted in me.

There was a pencil mark under the word delighted. He delighted in me? ME? How is that possible? I'm not anyone that someone of such a high power should delight in; I'm just an average kid. If there really is a God, which I'm starting to believe that there is, he's one magnificent guy! And if all of this is really true, then that means that there really is something better than this world! I thought back to the prayer I prayed last night where I asked God to show me that something good could come out of this life. Was this His way of doing that? I guess God really does work in mysterious ways!

**Kind of an odd way to end it, but what did you guys think? (1) I almost said milk, but then I remembered his lactose intolerant problem. Good thing I caught that! (2) That is my favorite scripture I've read so far. I've read the entire Old Testament and am now up to Proverbs 8 in the New Testament. I just love that verse, so I had to put it in here. **

**Anyway, as always, if anyone has anything they would like to talk to me about, whether it be about my story or personal matters, PM me. I am always willing to listen. Also, tell me if you are liking this story or not, if you so desire to review! I would appreciate it. **

**Thanks, guys :)**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	4. Thumbing and Thinking

**Author's Note: Hey, guys! I know it's been kind of a long time since I've written, but I'm having more trouble with this story than I ever thought I would. I don't really understand why, but I know that these words do not come from me. They come from God, and His timing is perfect. I hope you are enjoying this story. Reviews would be really nice so I know if you guys like what I'm doing or not. If you have any suggestions, please don't hesitate to review or PM me. I'll let you read now. Bye :) ***

With each passing minute, the blur of the last 24 hours was slowly beginning to clear. It wasn't a coincidence that I woke up this morning feeling different. I asked God to show me another way, and that's exactly what he did. There are still some things about the Bible that I'm pretty sure I'll never understand. Like how Jesus could take on not only my sins, but the sins of the entire world, even people who haven't even been brought into existence yet, and die for them. I mean, I thought I was dedicated to my family. He must really care about us to do that for us. It's just crazy to think about.

As I was continuing to thumb through the Bible, I came across another verse that looked particularly important. I was surprised to find that it actually looked sort of familiar. I began to read it regardless:

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

After I read that verse, I had one thing immediately pop into my mind.

_Remember the love_

Of course! I should have figured that out ages ago. Remember the love! She wasn't talking about mine; she was talking about His! All that talk about how love can move mountains and overcome any struggle was all supposed to lead me here. The pieces were finally coming together, and I was starting to realize just how much I'd missed out on all these years. My mother has been trying to lead me here for a lot longer than a few days. How could I have been so blind?

My life could have been so much better. Maybe if I would have realized all this sooner, I wouldn't have felt so alone here. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and my girlfriend of course. I'm even beginning to bond with my billet family. But it's just not the same. Come to think of it, I felt like there was always something missing back in Kapuskasing too. I never really understood why. I mean, I had great friends, wonderful family, and everything was fine. But now I realize that it really wasn't fine. I know what that missing piece was now. I say was because it's past tense. That piece isn't missing anymore.

I realize now that is why I feel so different this morning. It's because every day before today, I had a missing piece inside of me that I was trying so desperately to fill. I think the reason I was so depressed all the time was because I came to the heartbreaking conclusion that I was wrong; that was all my life was supposed to be. However, now I am starting to see that is no longer the case, and it never was.

I couldn't wait until 7:00 tonight to talk to Maya. That simply wasn't an option. I had to talk to her now. I had to tell her everything that's been going on for the last 24 hours. I checked my watch to see that the time was 12:30…lunchtime. I quickly changed out of my pajamas, put on my sneakers, and ran out the door. I didn't have that much time, and I had a lot that I needed to tell her.

I didn't stop running until I came to De Grassi Street. Five minutes had already passed by the time I got to the school. I was just about to pull out my phone and text Maya asking her to meet me outside when I spotted her sitting on one of the picnic benches a few feet away from me. This was it. Now or never.

"Maya!" I exclaimed to get her attention.

She quickly whipped her head around, undoubtedly not expecting to hear my voice on the school grounds, and spoke. "Cam? What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting to see you until tonight," she said in a confused tone.

I completed the distance we still had between us and sat down with her on the opposite side. "I know, Maya. But I had to see you. I couldn't wait any longer.

She appeared slightly curious. I 'm sure I probably sounded like a crazy person to her right now. "Okay, well talk then, "she said with a smile, amused by my excitement.

"Okay. For starters, Maya, I am so sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to explode on you like that. It's just that I care about you so much and I was afraid that you were slipping away from me. I never meant to hurt you, and I should have just trusted you from the beginning instead of turning into a psycho."

"Cam, I know you're sorry. I know that you care about me, and I care about you too. I care about you way too much to let Zig get in between us. And I'm sorry that I made you feel scared. But there are other ways to solve problems instead of jabbing people with your hockey stick."

"Actually, it was my elbow," I corrected her.

"Same difference," she responded before she reached her hands across the table to grab mine. "Cam, the next time you have feelings like this, we need to talk about them. And you should know that I would never do that to you. Zig showed me his true colors when he tried going after me when he was still with Tori. I don't want a guy like that. I want a guy like you," she said with a smile.

At this point I assumed it was safe to transfer to her side of the bench. Once I did this, I opened my arms and we fell into an embrace. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you, Maya."

She pulled out of my embrace and placed her lips on top of mine. "I love you too, Cam. Just don't do anything stupid like that again, okay?"

"I'll do my best, babe," I replied before I kissed her again. We had a few minutes of just being in each other's company until the bell rang. When I realized she wasn't moving, I questioned her.

"Hey, Maya?"

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't you moving? Not like I don't enjoy your presence or anything, but wasn't that the bell?"

"Why yes. Yes it was."

"Then why aren't you going to class?" I questioned, still confused.

"I have a spare this hour," she explained.

"Aaaahhh," I explained, putting the pieces together. "Wanna go for a walk with me then?"

"Sure, "she responded, getting up and taking my hand to pull me up as well.

Now comes the really serious part.

***So, what did you think? I know there isn't a whole lot of action right now, but there will be some coming up soon. The next chapter is where Cam talks to Maya about his discoveries he's been having for the past couple of chapters. I only have a couple more chapters planned for this story. However, I already have another plot in my head for the next story! **

**As always, if you ever need anyone to talk to, or just listen to you, you can always PM me. I'll always be there. And remember,**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus~ **


	5. Breakdowns and Beliefs

***Author's Note: Alright, so this turned out a lot differently than I expected it to. That seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I didn't lie. This chapter does have Maya and Cam talking about religion, just a little later than I had originally anticipated. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)***

Maya and I spent a good few minutes just walking. Neither one of us was saying anything, just swinging our entwined hands back and forth. During that time of peace, I was thinking about exactly how I was going to approach this conversation with Maya. I knew what I wanted to say, I just wasn't sure how to say it; and I wasn't sure how she was going to feel about it. I decided to just go out with it.

"Maya?"

"Yeah, Cam?"

"I have to have a serious conversation with you," I began.

"Cam, if this is about the whole Zig thing again, you don't have to –"

"It's not about Zig," I explained. "I have to tell you something, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it." She looked over at me quizzically before responding.

"What is it? You can tell me," she pressed.

"Um…can we sit down?"

"Sure," she responded, looking more concerned now.

After we found an abandoned swing set at the park, we sat down and I began to speak once again. "You remember when I fell off the balcony and broke my arm a little while ago?" (1)

"Yeah, of course I remember. You were out for like half the season."

"Well…it wasn't an accident," I explained, waiting for a reaction.

It wasn't long before I got one. I watched as Maya's eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she was taking in what I said. She began talking rapidly. "What do you mean it wasn't an accident? Of course it was an accident. What other way could it have happened? How else could you fall off the…oh. Cam, tell me you didn't," she demanded, eventually getting slower and decreasing the volume of her voice as she realized what must have happened.

It was breaking my heart to tell her this, but she needed to know. Mostly so she could know that I would never be doing that again. "I didn't fall, Maya. I jumped." Her eyes suddenly returned back to their normal size, but her jaw slacked open slightly. She slowly stopped the swing and walked off. _Wait, what just happened?_ I quickly jumped off my own swing and raced after her. "Maya!" She stopped walking and stood still; however, this changed very rapidly. When I got close enough, I gently pulled on her arm to get her to face me. "Maya, I – "

"Don't touch me!" she screamed. I have to admit, I was not expecting this. She whirled around and stared at me, and for a solid two minutes we were just like that: staring at each other. My side of that action was mostly because I was afraid of what she'd do if I tried to do anything else at this point. Eventually, however, she broke the silence. "How could you do that?" she whispered, barely audible. When I tried to respond, she cut me off, this time louder. "Campbell, how could you do that?" she questioned, gently shoving me.

I opened my mouth to say something when she shoved me again, this time with enough force to get me slightly off balance. "Do you know what you could have done? Do you have any idea?" Another shove. "What were you thinking? Do you know what would happen if something happened to you?" Another shove. "Do you know what that would do to me, Cam?"

This last comment caused her voice to crack slightly. My heart was breaking with every comment and every jab. My heart was breaking because her heart was breaking. "Have there been other instances besides that?" I regretfully nodded my head yes. She stopped to think for a moment before she asked another question. "That time when you sliced your hand with your ice skate?" She was looking right at me now, and her eyes were pleading for me to tell her that she was wrong. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell her that.

"Maya, I'm sorry," was all I could say before she let out a sob and walked into my embrace. "Maya, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I kept repeating over and over again as I let her cry in my chest. She was still crying when she spoke again.

"There were so many signs. How did I not see it? It was right in front of me and I had no idea. How did I not see it?"

"Maya, no one saw it. I like to think I did a pretty good job of hiding it from most people. Please don't blame yourself."

"Don't blame myself? I knew you were unhappy. I didn't realize you were that unhappy, but I knew you were unhappy. I noticed the cuts you claimed to have gotten from hockey practice. I was so wrapped up in my own little world that I didn't think twice about any of it. Cam, I failed you!" she replied before burying her head in my chest again.

"Honey, no. You did not fail me. I don't blame you for not thinking about it. It's not something that most people usually have to think about. You have been amazing and I love you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am to have you, Maya." I paused my speech for a moment to get her head out from my chest so she could look at me. "I never want you to say anything like that ever again, okay?" I told her lovingly. "You did not, nor could you ever, fail me." After I said this, I gently grabbed her chin and placed my lips on top of hers in a light kiss. She hugged me tightly and I kissed the top of her head again. "I'm never going to do this again, Maya. Never."

She let go of me at this statement. "How can you be so sure?" she questioned.

"Well, that's the other thing I needed to talk to you about."

"Oh no, there's more?" she responded with a slight chuckle, slowly beginning to stop crying.

"This is happier," I explained, grabbing her hand and walking with her. "I promise."

We began walking back the way we came since the next class at Degrassi would be starting soon. "So I talked to my mom a couple days ago," I began.

"Oh really? What did you guys talk about?"

"Well, it was right after she found out I got suspended, so it wasn't exactly a light-hearted conversation. She wanted to know what was wrong, so I told her everything. Hockey, school, Zig, everything."

"I see. What did she say?"

"She actually gave me some really great advice."

"What was that?"

"Well first I had no idea where she was going. She asked me if I loved hockey, and when I said yes, she said I should be able to handle the pressure it entails. She asked me if I loved you."

"And you said?" she questioned in a flirty tone.

"Of course I do," I replied with a smile. She briefly stopped walking to give me a kiss on the cheek, and we continued. "And she said that I would do whatever I could to keep you, which I will," I replied before I kissed her hand. "Lastly, she asked me if I loved them. When I said yes, she said that no matter the miles between us, they were never far away."

"Wow, that's deep!" she responded. "Your mom sounds really smart."

"She is. She said that if I just remember the love, I can conquer anything."

"That's really great advice," Maya commented.

"Yeah, but it wasn't until a few hours ago that I really grasped what she meant. I was thumbing through my mom's old Bible earlier and I found some interesting things."

"The Bible? I didn't know you were religious," she responded.

"I wasn't. My mom was. She used to make us go to church all the time when my brother and I were younger, but once we got old enough to make the decision whether we went with her or not, I decided to stop going. "

"Why is that?"

"I don't know. I guess I was just really confused on everything. Nothing seemed logical to me. I thought church was boring and confusing, so I jumped at the chance to stop going when my mom asked."

"I understand. So what was it you found?" she asked, getting me back on track.

"Oh, right. I was thumbing through it and I found several verses that she highlighted. A couple of them really spoke to me and my situation. The first one I read basically said that I was entangled by my sorrows and so I cried out to God to save me and he rescued me. The night I had that conversation with my mom, I decided to pray to a God that I wasn't even sure existed. I told him how tired I was of my life and how I needed him to show me that life was better than this. That's exactly what he did, Maya! I called out to Him and He rescued me! I asked him to show me that I had a bigger purpose in life, and He showed me that too! That verse said that He saved me so that I could be with Him!" I exclaimed.

"Cam, that's wonderful! I'm really happy for you. But what does that have to do with your mom's advice exactly?" she questioned.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that! Well after I saw that verse, I found another one: John 3:16. It says that God so loved the world that He gave his only son. That was when it clicked. When my mom was talking about remembering the love, she wasn't talking about mine; she was talking about his! She was alluding to the fact that God loves me so much that he sent Jesus to die for me. As long as I remember the extreme amount of love He has for this world, and for me, I can handle whatever life throws at me!" I stopped walking and turned Maya around to face me, still holding on to her arms as I continued to speak. "I don't have to hurt myself anymore, Maya! That missing piece I've needed for my entire life is filled. I'm free, Maya! I'm free!" I exclaimed with probably the highest level of excitement and joy that I had ever felt.

She smiled brightly at me and then pulled me in for another hug. "I'm so glad to hear you say that!"

"Me too, Maya. Me too." We continued making small talk until we finally reached Degrassi. I walked her all the way to the steps before we had to part ways. I gave her another hug and a kiss before she started heading up the steps.

"You're still coming over later, right?"

"You bet. I love you, Maya."

"I love you too, Cam, "She said before she turned around to go through the door. Just as she was about ready to go in, I stopped her again.

"Maya?"

She kept her body half way through the door and turned her head to face me. "Yeah?"

"You didn't really have a spare, did you?" I asked her with a devious smile.

She chuckled a little and then replied by saying, "Nope!"

"Didn't think so."

*** Was it good? I never know when I get a drastic change of plans whether it was good or bad.**

**(1) I wasn't really sure whether Cam told Maya that he fell off the banister on purpose or not in the actual show, but in this story she didn't know until now. **

**Unless I go off on another tangent, the next chapter should be the last one. I already feel like I may have dragged this on for too long, so it should be the last one. **

**Please review! I don't mean to be demanding, but I would really like to know if you guys like what I'm doing or if you want me to change anything. **

**Also, as usual, if you need to talk to me about anything, I'm always here to listen if you want to PM me. **

**Always remember, **

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus **


	6. Good News and a Good Life

***Alright, everyone. This is it. This is the final chapter of Worn. I hope you all enjoy it! Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed this story and gave me criticism. I really thought a lot about it and it was greatly appreciated. I'll let you guys read now. :) **

I felt like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders. I finally told Maya everything, and now I know that whatever issues we have, we can get through them. I really kind of wish I had figured that out before I clocked Zig during that floor hockey match.

As I was walking back to my billet home, I took a moment to reflect on everything that has happened lately. I went from a depressed and angry version of me, to a version of peace and acceptance; but most importantly, happiness. A happiness and joy that emanated from every pore, every fiber of my being. I feel like I can take on anything. But at the same time, I feel like it's not really me. I feel like there's something over me. I finally learned the lesson my mom has been trying to teach me for years. Contrary to my prior beliefs, I am not alone. Thanks to her advice, I realized that I never was.

All of a sudden, my train of thought was abruptly interrupted. '_That can't be what it looks like,' _I thought. _'I've been through a lot the past few days. Maybe I'm just overly tired. Maybe I'm seeing things. Yeah, that has to be it!' _ What I saw was a silvery blue SUV parked in the middle of my billet family's driveway. But that couldn't be right, could it? I shook my head to see if I could get the image to go away, but it was still there. My stage of denial was finally broken when I looked at the open door, which revealed one of the most beautiful sights I've seen since I left Kapuskasing: my mother.

"Mom!" I exclaimed as I bolted up the stairs to meet her at the door. As soon as I reached her, she enveloped me in a hug so tight I could barely breathe.

"Hi, sweetie," she responded in a barely audible voice. "I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too, Mom," I respond, equally as emotional. Eventually, I broke the hug and asked her, "So what are you doing in Toronto?"

After I asked her this, a big smile appeared on her face, like she was keeping a secret and was just dying to tell someone. I knew this had to be good. "I've known about this for weeks. You have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you. And after what we talked about the other day, I just –"

If I didn't stop her then, I would never hear whatever it was she had to say. "Mom! What is it?" I inquired with a chuckle, amused by her scattered brain.

"Your father got transferred!" Did I hear that right? I had a bunch of scenarios going through my mind, but that was definitely not something I was expecting.

"I'm sorry, I must have heard that wrong. You said what now?"

"Campbell, we're moving to Toronto!"

I've had a pretty fantastic day today, but I don't know if I have ever been this happy in my life. My family is moving to Toronto! That means I get to see them on a regular basis, and they get to come to my games, and meet my girlfriend, and we get to be a normal family again! I had nothing to say; all I could do was pull my mom in for another hug. This was such great news!

Eventually, my mom and I went inside the house and I took her to my room. We sat on my bed and talked for what seemed like hours. I told her all about Degrassi and my friends and the team. She already heard most of this information before, but this was different. It was like those conversations on Skype didn't even exist anymore. I had to tell her everything over again now that we were face to face, because it meant so much more. She told me about how everything was going up in Kapuskasing, about Dad and my brothers, anything and everything. She could have been talking about grass growing and I wouldn't have cared.

After we got done talking about everything else there was to talk about, my mom spotted her old Bible on the floor of my room and asked me, "Did you figure out my advice?"

"I sure did, Mom," I responded. "I had to do some digging around, but eventually I figured it out."

"You always come up with answers to my riddles," she said with an endearing smile. "What exactly did you come up with?"

"Well, after you told me I didn't have to solve my problems on my own and that someone was always there even when they couldn't be seen, I sat around forever trying to figure out what you meant. Then, I decided that looking through my old photos might give me some sort of a clue. Eventually I found the picture of my baptism. You were talking about God, right?" I asked her in a tone that implied that I already knew the answer.

"Right! Good job, son," she commended.

"After I figured that out, I was a little confused. I'll be honest with you, Mom. I've never exactly understood the whole religion thing. But I decided that it couldn't really get too much worse, so I should take a long shot. I prayed to a god that I wasn't even sure existed. I spelled out all of my feelings and I asked Him to help. I asked Him to show me a different kind of life, because I couldn't take much more of the one that I was living. The next morning, I woke up and I just felt…different. It's hard to explain, but it was just like something invaded my body and I just felt rejuvenated.

"A little after I woke up, I found that," I explained, pointing down to the ground at the Bible. "I started looking through it and I found some interesting verses; ones that you had highlighted. I read some of them and was surprised to find that they pertained to me. Then I found John 3:16. That's when I came to my sudden revelation: when you were talking about remembering the love, you weren't talking about mine, were you?"As I looked directly into her eyes, I realized that she was crying. "Mom, why are you crying?" I asked.

"I'm just so happy for you, Cam! After our last conversation, I was really worried about you. You were so upset and it killed me that I couldn't be there for you," she responded, her silent tears turning into choking sobs.

I took both of her hands in mine and replied, "That's not true, Mom. You've always been there for me. I didn't realize how much until today, but you've been there for me every step of the way. You've been trying to get me to learn the things I have learned for most of my life, and I just now realized it. Mom, without you, I never would have discovered any of this. I never would have experienced the freedom and the healing power of God. Heck, who knows where I would be? It's like you said: no matter how many miles there are between us, you're never far away. I love you, Mom."

She pulled me into another hug and replied, "I love you too, Cam. I am so lucky to have you for a son."

"And I'm the luckiest kid in the world to have you as a mom. Thank you for your wonderful advice, your impossible riddles, your love for me, and most importantly, your love for the Lord. It took me a while to finally realize what you've been trying to tell me all these years, but thank you for helping me get to the me I was meant to be."

After I finished explaining my gratitude, she smiled brightly at me and replied, "It was, and is, my absolute pleasure."

Shortly after we finished our conversation, my billet mother called us down for dinner. It turns out she also kept the big secret from me. We had a nice dinner and then we sat down to watch some ridiculous reality show. I realized that it was past seven so I texted Maya. _' Hey, My! I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to come over tonight. Something just came up. I promise I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. I love you :)" _ She would understand. It's not every day that my mother, whom I haven't seen since Christmas break, pops into my billet home.

As I was sitting there watching that reality show, I started thinking about my own life. I had a great family, a beautiful girlfriend, a good education, a practical guarantee of being in the NHL, the Ice Hounds, and so much more. I started wondering what it was about my life that I didn't think was worth it. Looking at it from here, I thought I had it pretty good. I guess that was the thing: I'm not looking at it from the same place I was 24 hours ago. I have a whole new perspective on my life now, thanks to God. I know my life isn't always going to be sunshine and unicorns, but as long as I remember the love, I think I'll be just fine.

**So that's it! I just had to use the sunshine and unicorns line! :P (I don't own that by the way. Or Degrassi. Or this song.)**

**If this story was not based off of a song, I would probably change the title to "Remember the Love." That probably fits better. **

**I really hope you guys liked this story! Reviews would be appreciated! Also, if there is anyone reading this story who just feels worn, like Cam, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The same thing can happen to you that happened to Cam in this story (your whole world might not magically get better right away like Cams did though). As one of my favorite songs states, He is reaching across the Grand Canyon but He can't wrestle with your deamons if you never let Him see them! (FFH- Grand Canyon) Always remember,**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


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